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Be Proactive

Key Points:

  • As you read this book try to stand apart from yourself. 
  • There is something called the social mirror. Basically saying there are three determinants.  Genetic determinism which says your grandparents gave it to you. Psychic determinism says your parents gave it to you. Environmental determinism says that your environment around you gave it to you. What did they give you?  They gave you your social maps or your paradigms. Your grandparents had a temper so it is in your DNA to have a temper. Or, your parents did it to you through your upbringing led you to your personality tendencies. Or, something or someone in your environment is responsible for your situation. These basic social maps all absorb around a stimulus and a response.
  • Between stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose. You have the ability to respond positively to your situation or you can react to your situation. Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions.

  • Victor Frankl suggests that there are three central values in life-the experiential, or that which happens to us; the creative, or that which we bring into existence; and the attitudinal, or our response in difficult circumstances such as terminal illness. What matters most is how we respond to what we experience in life.
  • We should also use our R and I (resourcefulness and initiative) when trying to compromise a situation. We also have the ability to act or be acted upon. 
  • Throughout this stage of being proactive, we must watch our language. Instead of listening to ourselves we should talk to ourselves. We have the ability to respond to our language with a proactive approach instead of a reactive approach.
  • Reactive people make love a feeling. Proactive people make love a verb. Love is something you do: the sacrifices you make, the giving of self, like a mother bringing a newborn into the world. 
  • The circle of influence is very important because you are who you hang out with. The circle of influence is something that could influence us in the here and now. The circle of concern is something that is out of our control. By determining which of these two circles is the focus of most of our time and energy, we can discover much about the degree of our proactivity. 
  • The circle of concern focuses on the Have's, if only I had more patient kids, if I could just have a better boss etc. Anytime we think the problem is "out there," that thought is the problem
  • The circle of influence focuses on the Be's, I can be a better husband, I can be more resourceful, I can be more cooperative. 
Consequences and mistakes are also incorporated with the circle of influence and concern. While we are free to choose our actions, we are not able to choose the consequences behind those actions. 

It is how we make and keep commitments, how we handle a traffic jam, how we respond to an irate customer or a disobedient child. It's how we view our problems and where we focus our energies. It's the language we use. We all have the choice to be responsible or response-able.  


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